I find myself lately trying to refrain from using xanga. From the ridiculous white box you have to type into in order to post an entry, to the lack of applications, such as xanga chat or xanga game apps, this particular blogging site has me running to the hills. Unfortunately, I find myself always returning to keep track of what I've been through and to simply catalog my thoughts - so here I am. I'm not one who cares much about E-props or comments; I was never much for popularity contests, but I do care what people read about me. I never want to disclose too much but I will post some tidbits of information about myself..

(1) A car crashed into the first house I lived in.

(2) I've been shot at (I'm ok!)

(3) I've drowned in an Olympic sized swimming pool (gulp!)

(4) Ate fresh oysters and other assorted sea-food straight from the ocean (don't know which one!)

(5) Never blanked out, or blacked out, from drinking

(6) I've never puked brains out from drinking (Moderate puking? ok!)

(7) Never dated in teens.

(8) I've engaged in full contact martial arts (but I'm really harmless, I'm a pussy-cat)

(9) I will perform in a upcoming "off-off-broadway" performance.

(10) I have bowel irritable symptoms in the morning when stressed.

 

Look Before You Flush

        I'm currently in Seattle Washington and had some great food this past weekend. In all honesty, I've actually been having some strange bowel movements. Something that I have observed is that some cultures study their poo to determine how to change their diet and eating habits. For example, by examining their poo, these cultures can assess whether they need more fiber, protein, or even less lactase acids. In an attempt to live more healthy, I have been studing my eating habits and what exactly comes out the other end. I've been attempting to study my heart, but also what passes through my GI Tract. What can I say? My health is important to me...

Here are a list of some of the deposits I've made while attending to doodies (of the throne):

(1) The Rambo Poo

Synonyms: Ultimate-Weapon, Chocolate Sundae with Strawberry Syrup, Neapolitan Poo

        On rare instances, you may look down and see traces of blood. This is no laughing matter and you should consult a physician about it. Common to the Log Jam Poo, you might sit down and nothing may come out. Be warned because when it does arrive, it comes with a bloody vengeance and malevolent intentions. The worst case scenario is you have colon cancer, the best case scenario is you have hemorrhoids, diverticulosis, or arteriovenous malformations (abnormal blood vessels that have a tendency to bleed). Although, you may have a large, unwelcome bowl of fruit punch in your toilet, I'ld advise not drinking it and seeing a doctor immediately.

* The "Log Jam" is otherwise known as the False Alarm, Crying Wolf, the Ghost Poo, or Colon Congestion

(2) Deja Poo

Synonyms: Leftovers, Corn-Backed Rattler, Sloppy Seconds 

       "Haven't I seen that somewhere before?" Most notoriously involving corn, Deja Poo is a bowel movement that has remarkably familiar portions of a recent  meal embedded in it. This poo can include a potpourri of colors, often containing  pieces of vegetables and other items that  look as though they do not belong among the mass of poo  in which they are entrenched.  Naturally, you may wonder how your body can process heavy meats and pastas  but not an innocuous kernal of corn. In any case, when it comes out the other end, there is something strange about it... as if you have seen it before.

        This "super-natural" experience is most often the result of consuming a meal loaded with insoluble fiber. While soluble fiber found in foods such as beans, nuts, and carrots form a gel-like substance when mixed with stomach secretions, the insoluble fiber contained in oat bran (and yes, corn on the cob) passes through the GI Tract largely unchanged. Humans lack the necessary enzymes to digest certain compounds of plant cell walls. The presence of these indigestible remnants embedded in your feces is what gives rise to the sensation of "Deja Poo" and that warm nostalgic feel that overtakes you when you see it again for the second time.

(3) Monster Poo

Synonyms: Lincoln Log, Double Deuce, Jabba the Poo

        You may wonder, "How did something this large, come out of me?" While sitting on the toilet and vigorously straining to discharge a poo of this size, you feel like the turd took a wrong turn. You may feel the swelling of veins in your forehead and the beading of perspiration as you toil to force this massive poo out of your system. Despite the strain, this internal bodily struggle will continue until the very last of the turd exits. Upon its complete egress, it is common to feel a great sense of accomplishment and pride associated with this deposit. Unfortunately, you may fear flushing it will leave a smear, and indeed flushing it without breaking it up with a toilet brush will leave something to remember you by for the next user. Don't be ashamed, this is a sign of your great accomplishment. It is commonly referred to as "the Streak." The Streak is a relic of a prior poo and it usually appears as a thin brown stain, or smear, down the center of the toilet bowl. If you see this, you have accomplished the unthinkable; the Monster Poo...

(4) Poo-Phoria

Synonyms: Holy Crap, Mood Enhancer, The Tingler

        After discharging a double-size deuce, it not uncommon to experience... poo-phoria. You may have deposited a Monster Poo but if you have not truelly ascended through the experience, then you have not experienced Poo-phoria. This poo is characterized by a euphoria and ecstasy that you feel throughout your body. The exhilaration from this defecation, large in volume but varying in form, is often accompanied by goose bumps and even a little light-headedness as the discharge of toxins is completed. This is the type of poo that can turn an atheist into a believer, and makes us all look forward to spending time on the toilet. Be careful and forewarned, however, because constant Poo-Phoria can lead to a transient loss of consciousness (the O.D., or Over-Doodie).

(5) Sneak Attack

Synonyms: Ambush Poo, Chocolate Surprise, My Deuce is Loose, Shart (=Sh*t + Fart)

        Regardless of our readiness to "come clean," we have all gambled and lost in this sinister game of shooting craps. We look for a lucky seven, but alas roll snake eyes. It usually starts with the uncomfortable sensations of intestinal rumbling and gaseous bloating. Thinking that a quick, surreptitious release of gas will usher in much needed relief, you prepare for an airy evacuation. But occasionally, the anticipated farts contains more than just gas and is accompanied by a liquid smear of poo that stains your underwear. The smelly remnants of this Sneak Attack will follow you around until you perform a changing of the garb. When faced with the Sneak Attack, you should change or cleanup immediately. This may require throwing away your underwear and going commando for a bit, but it is definitely better than retaining the unwelcome surprise in your antechamber below.

(6) Number Three

Synonyms: Butt Piss, Oil Spill, The Runs, Chocolate Thunder, Deuce Juice, Turd Tea, Diarrhea, Poo Stew, Chocolate Slurpee, Napalm, Rancid Poo, Aftershock Poo.

       Although you know you need to sit down to deposit this Poo in liquid form (for guys), when passing it through your anal rectum you feel like you are urinating from the wrong end. It is a violent discharge that is often characterized by an unwelcome explosion. It feels like you ignited a compound or mixture that results in an explosive brown splatter on the underside of your toilet seat. At times, the splatter is so great that you have to wipe remnants off your butt cheeks when you are finished. It is also similar to the Ring of Fire Poo, in the sense that it may burn on it's way out and in fact, may burn a whole through your underwear. Number Threes are not pleasant.

        Anyway, so now that you know what I think about during the day, if you are interested in attending a Green Drinks near you, mssg me and I'll find you the right one.

The War on terror has been debated over the course of the Bush administration. While it has been debated by liberals, pacifists, realists, idealists, neocons, and the like, they have all invoked the help of Reinhold Neibuhr to suppport their arguments. As an advocate of US interventionism (and also US isolationism), and the author of many articles and books, such as the Serenity prayer, "Moral Man and Immoral Society", "The Irony of American History," Neibuhr has been quoted to substantiate the claims of many political groups, from both the right and left.

So many claim him as one of their own, it begs the question, "Who is right about this man?" The political candidates that are running for the Democratic and Republican seats have quoted him on different occasions in their careers. Among them and most prominently, is Barak Obama. He described him as, "my favorite philosopher"; while John McCain described him as "a paragon of clarity about the costs of a good war."

With so many different opinions about him, it is clear that it does matter who is right about him. It matters because he gets to the roots of the conflicts between American ideals and their unintended consequences in his writing, better than anybody else. He has been reknown for having a foretelling power that has given him such credibility that he is considered an authoritative source on effective foreign relations. He understood things from a distance, as reflected in his writing, and understood the global responsibility the United States would have.

It's hard to say, but the course of the United States could play out in the next election and Niebuhr is a guilding light for any political candidate. The upcoming elections will play a big role in the global standing of the United States and where it fits in, so it is good to hear that political candidates are familiar with Niebhur's writing. Our current president, has taken a very active role in the global community with his War on Terror. While, I won't say President Bush has ruined our country because I would likely have made all the same decisions he made (if I was in his shoes) I would argue that the United States is just another country now. The "American Century" is over, the dollar holds no weight compared to the Euro, and we can no longer justify our agendas in other countries - we have lost credibility -

What of Iran and North Korea? Will we have the humility to don what Thomas Jefferson, who echoed earlier speeches by Washington and Adams, penned in his First Inaugural Address by warning against "entangling alliances"? With the international landscape as it is, will the US focus abroad, on issues such as oil, or will we focus on domestic issues, like creating alternatives for oil (tapping into sustainability technologies and renewable energies)?

Will the United States pave the way with Iran on a unilateral level as well? The Secretary General of the United Nations is from Korea and has been actively working with South Korea, making great strides. On this front, there is a multi-lateral effort that is a viable alternative... Will the United States take an active stance in the coming years and under a new president? What will our diplomatic relations look like?

All I know is everybody is an immigrant in this country, and this country will make decisions with or without our input. My following post will be about my personal ideals, what I am doing with my ideals, and how I plan to make a difference. I will be selective with what I disclose but I will be honest, forthright, and attempt to encourage people to make changes in their lives to promote a better lifestyle - healthwise, environmental, and socially.  

www.theatlantic.com/niebuhr

The Serenity Prayer

"God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that can be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other."